3 years today.


3 years today.

Or more like 1098 days, 26280 hours and 9.461e+7 seconds.

3 years ago today, I stood outside myself. My heart ached for the woman who had lost her son. Tommy wasn't just any baby. He fought hard. He had been through the worst. I was in such pain for her lost. It wasn't fair. Yeah- thing is, the her was me. 

A favorite yoga teacher of mine, Sean Corn, writes about grief in ways I understand profoundly. She writes: "I pray you can trust the process, let it open your soul and allow for a new awakening to occur that can bring you closer to your highest self, in love."

We are lucky to have so many fond memories of Tommy. We love it when you guys talk to us about him. It makes his life feel less of a blur. It makes his life real. We love reminiscing on his little idiosyncrasies. How he used to bang on certain toys, how Isaiah use to make him laugh out loud more than anybody else we know. And of course, we glimpse at the hurdles. How he showed us to never ever give up on life, on desires and dreams. This kid was going to live.

What do you remember of our Thomas Knox? What has he taught you?

Tommy taught me to rise and flow.  To not waste time, to not burn out. Tommy taught me to have faith in the daily unknowns.  My baby taught me the highest kind of love.

Three years after chaos and I realize the last years have been revelatory. I feel grounded in ways I never thought possible. I love our family of 3- that will always really be of 4. More importantly, I am now convinced. Within me an amour of blinding light, a field of love from loss.

Today I stand here as she. The ‘her’ is me.  And I am ok with that.

Tommy Tinker as a legacy. Forever.


E. xo









Estelle Thomson1 Comment