Day 13


June. 16, 2012 -I woke up feeling especially fine & ravenous. I went to my usual Saturday morning hangouts: running around Isaiah & eating delicious local food-had a long walk along the coast. The day was warm but not too warm & it felt like summer had finally hit the Maritimes. I thought the cramping was normal. By the end of the afternoon, the pain in my back made it so I couldn’t tend to Isaiah anymore. I went to take a nap. I woke up, alarmed by blood. We got to the hospital by 6 pm. Thomas was born by emergency C-section by 8. BAM. BAM. BAM.

Summer 2012 was blurred, spent in the dungeons of NICU, with it’s eternal beeps, cords& bad news. Fall is victory. Oct. 1 was the day Tommy got discharged only to be re-admitted 11 days after for brain surgery. Winter was stop & go, challenges after challenges, surgeries after surgeries, gastro, pneumonia & pills & trying things. Spring is feeling grateful for new chances, new hope, new dreams&desires.Then in August last year, one last surgery & we were in the clear -we had been through the worse….

Seasons come & go. I believe my relationship to them will change. Scott & I always say that if we had to do it all over again we would- no question about that. Tommy taught us how to really love-fiercely & boldly & unconditionally. Tommy was a miracle. His birth was a miracle& I am starting to believe his death was as well.

As has the author Depak Chopra writes:

'The miracle, ironically, is that we don’t die’.

 #TommyTinkerForever#whathealsyourheart #captureyourgrief

Estelle Thomson