Day 25


I’ve always loved this picture of Thomas & I in @offbeetfarmgreenhouse. I miss it.

That day. That day, when the air was sticky & sweet. I ‘ve always loved the smell & possibilities of greenhouses. The immeasurable growth that happens in them. That’s what gets me at times, I’ll be driving in the car & a wave of pain, a deep ache, will wash through me. After all Thomas had been through; all the surgeries, procedures, sickness, hospitals stays & copious scars: he would have been OK. As we walked out of the NICU doors, we knew full well what the doctors couldn’t tell us : was he going walk? talk ? smile? …Ever? We’d just have to wait & see.

Possibilities. Potential. Peace. Words I love that starts with ‘P’. And Tommy did all that. Thomas lived by love even when all the medical statistics of the world were against him. I trusted his heart, it was a good little heart. I trusted that he would be better each time. I kept the fire of hope alive. Tommy did his best & I did my best & it still went wrong. He would have talked. He would have walked. And THAT'S what gets me.

But in the greenhouse, light & warmth& water is a constant. Growth is imminent. Thank you Thomas for touching my human feelings to its rawest bone. Thank you for being a brilliant teacher of this complexity called life . Thank you for showing me how you lived it, fully & fearlessly.

I will follow your light. Forever.

#TommyTinkerForever #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart


Estelle Thomson