Blink ! Blink !

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💛👣What haunts me is memories. Memories that I hold with me are also memories I need to let go. Did you know that the word mindfulness is derivative of ‘memories’? That when you practice being ‘here now’, you are practicing holding and embracing memories? 
I was looking through this set of pictures yesterday, as grieving moms do, and I saw how at home Tommy felt on that catamaran. To think he had 3 weeks to live is unimaginable, but I wonder if he started his divine ascension then, on this boat. 
He looks like the captain here, doesn’t he? Thomas, embodying his mission with bravado.  On the ocean, he was where he was meant to be: in between connecting worlds. I often think about the explorers that set sail without knowing for certain their ultimate destinations. But on that catamaran, Tommy was confident and free. So free. He was the captain of the seas. Maybe he knew it even then- blinking at us from behind! Mischievous little bugger. Us, lovers- completely ignorant of what’s to come. The people I love the most where on the boat that day.

I look at pictures of my boy often. I hold them. I embrace them.  And then I let them go. I imagine a thousand butterflies flying towards the horizons. I exhale. The exhale- always and forever the healing balm for pain. Unafraid to look and love at the truth of things, I am confident. I am butterfly-free! I am the captain of my ship soaring on the high and low seas of grief. 
Oh yeah-and I blink at you from behind, too. 🦋

Loving you in sweet & salty memories
E. xo

Estelle ThomsonComment