Crawlspace

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💛👣I haven’t stopped writing about grief and the effect of a transitional life since Tommy died. I don’t post everything I write or paint and I paint way more than I write. I don’t know, perhaps I think that in a computer word document and in colours on a canvas , the death and loss of a child will become less terrifying. My posts about him are love letters to him. Sometimes regrets about things I should have done but after almost four years i know blame and guilt is a useless effort, a yearning to make sense of his dying. We’ve cleaned our crawl space this weekend only to find bags of baby clothes, hats and shoes that belong to him-things I originally couldn’t bare to part with. Evidence of his living and souvenir of his death. But this weekend i was ready, and now someone else will wear my dead son’s onesie. It will serve a new life. I came across this quote that really strike a cord and you guys know how much I love quotes! Elena Zhang wrote: “this is why I write about grief: to inject a bit of madness in a world that so desperately wants me to move on. To create space for those of us who fear we we will go mad with loss. To tell them it’s OK, and to tell them it’s not.” It’s not okay that Tommy’s gone but it’s okay for me to create space! Yes. This week, am allowing spring to take over. I breathe in the crawling spaces of my inner life which is as vibrant as my rainbow umbrella! I desire to feel more connected to my life. In that manner, I feel connected to my Tommy Tinker- it’s that easy. No bags of onesies will ever change that. I believe in THAT magic and power. 👣✨ #tommytinkerforever Love you 💋 E ⭐️