Is there such a thing as suffering well? It stopped me in my tracks when the words were spoken by @ruthielindsey on the @goodlifeprojectproject with @jonathanfields. A must listen btw, a beautiful, brave ode to living a life intimately (and loudly!) knowing pain and knowing joy. Unlike Ruthie, I have no broken neck but like her- I do know chronic pain.
Did I suffer well the day I was told Tommy wouldn’t make it? Not so sure. I started gagging and reached for the hospital garbage can. Nothing came out. Shock. It took me at least one week to start process anything. Once the funeral was past. Once guests left and dinners weren’t brought to my front door. Once I realize the pain of loosing my baby boy was there for a lifetime. When I was left to my own devices- that’s when the real work began. I had to make a choice back then- a choice I revisit almost every day- Do I follow what I think is me or go where life leads me?
And that’s another thing Ruthie speaks of. Apathy is so safe. Saying ‘I don’t know’ is so safe. Saying “I’m not this”, “I’m not that” only because you believe it-that’s SO safe. These are all words that disconnect us with our inner knowing. It disallows of full responsibility for stepping into a life that we own.
But get this, -curiosity- even in the slightest, might very well redeem our souls- wake us up to the life we so deeply crave. I often talk of a “distant remembering” in my workshops. What did you use to love before… the divorce, the tragedy, the phone call? And most importantly-TO NOT WAIT (capital needed) to get the desire to do that thing you love. Do it! Through your apathies and your “don’t knows’. I told you this more than 1564 times, but doing what I love daily- saved me! Opening my arms to life daily-saved me!
Do I suffer well? Do you suffer well? Of course, there is no answer to that. No right/wrong way to live a life. Rather, it is a matter of determining choices in which to move your grief process forward. A matter of getting out of your own damn way. Unfold.
Thank you for your story Ruthie! Through it, I got to reflect on my own and find ever-evolving hope.
Love you! E xo #tommytinkerforever#captureyourgrief