Trusting the mystery

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  • ‘Life is more mysterious and meaningful than our pint sized brains can fathom.
    That’s what hope is for me - trusting in the mystery’ - Elizabeth Lesser 
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  • Day 16 - Hope- {Painting your grief} 
  • Today, for our our sixteenth day of painting and exploration, I invite you to paint hope. What does hope look like, in colours, for you? Is hope a thing? A landscape? A memory? Paint a representation of what hopes means for you. 

  • In Greek Mythology the spirit of hope is portrayed has a young woman carrying flowers in her arms. Her name is Elpis. Her opposite, Moros, is the spirit of helplessness, depression and doom. 
    In all honesty, I have often hated the Elpis-like people around me. The ignorant people - friends included - who thought that my life with my preemie baby would turn out to be like a fairytale. On the other hand, I have flirted with Moros more than once. I remember angrily thinking I would rather have had cancer than go through so many baby’s surgeries, critical interventions, appointments, decisions, decisions, decisions. At least the cancer would have been mine and not another’s. The words “feelings of helplessness” don’t even begin to capture the experience of living life with a chronically sick baby. 

  • In my most desperate times, times in front of doctors telling me I could stop my baby’s life support, times in the middle of the night with two children wailing and barfing, times in the midst of grief so deep I’d rather be stabbed, I realized that hope wasn’t just about having a positive attitude, it was about being ok with whatever happens. Elizabeth Lesser says it bluntly: trust the mystery. 

  • If I look back at all these times I was dancing darkly with Moros, I know that these were necessary for me to waltz back romantically to Elpis. 
    I invite you now to love the flowers and carry them
  • in your arms! To feel a presence of something that pulled you up and swirled you around and around, a tiny flicker hope perhaps, that the mystery of life is unfolding has it should. 
    Today, call upon Elpis. Dance with hope. Walk with hope. Paint with hope. Trust the mystery. 🙏🏻✨ #tommytinkerforever