I want to escape the cage that keeps replaying my life. Today, I forgive.
For all the nights I got pissed off over loosing sleep. For the days I lost patience over trivial messes. For all the shitty meals eaten in the car because sometimes, when both boys were strapped in, that’s the only time I could get an hour to myself. I forgive myself for having ‘hated’ all that.
I forgive myself for overlooking; splashes in the bath, cuddling on the beach, hiccups in the belly, giggling till your side hurt, traveling. Curious eyes discovering the world, wrestling with daddy, fighting over a toy, crying for nothing, crying for something, tantrums at the mall, throwing up in the most random place, grunting, shitty bums. Mornings filled with coffee smell, cartoons, vanilla yogurt, squeals, pulling hairs & pj’s. Coming down the stairs,dry mouth & hung over, holding two babies in your arms. Walks & baby talk. The scent of formula, dry milk in your hair, rushing to get ready. Sickness, never-ending appointments, brief accomplishments. Reading books. Reading books. Reading books.
All those little things, were really big things. And I thought I was already practicing gratefulness, that I was already breathing and letting it all go by.
The more I forgive myself, the more I heal. The more I embrace all that I am, the more I am at peace with everything. Do it. It works.