Day 20

 BREATH 

 At 8 days old& only two pounds Tommy got a serious bowel infection. He needed surgery ( his first of many). The stakes were so high, one doctor telling us straight out that Tommy wasn't going to make it.

At first, panic strikes, but there's a certain numbness which prevents you from going completely insane too. Scott left to get isaiah & I had a few moments with my baby before surgery. Time stood still, and there I was,on my knees, requesting the universe for a miracle, to please give me signs things were going to be ok. Begging, really. Feeling so helpless, you give in. If l'd loose him, I'd loose my world. How could I live? I was dying.

You see, I don't think it matters: 8 weeks, 8 days or 8 years. You're kids are no ordinary love. So I started breathing. With him. I was touching his soft little leg& I just decided to breathe. Because I could. Because this is what I know best, this is what I teach others to do,this is what works.

and little did I know, I was really praying. Little did I know, in that moment, I was more alive than I'd ever be.

'Breathing is an act of prayer'-frank watters

 #TommyTinkerForever #captureyourgrief #whathealsyou#whathealsyourheart

Estelle Thomson