Lately I've been missing ordinary life. My life with Thomas that was far from ordinary yet the one that had grown on me- the life that was the new normal for our family. It's the in-between of that past that sink deep in my brain.
It's interesting to think that my fondest memories aren't the milestones or the waking up from surgeries or being discharge from NICU or the first time he pulled-up to stand. I am not kidding. What I miss sometimes most was our ordinary life. The routine.
For example, I loved cooking dinner and hearing the boys playing quietly (most of the times) in our sunroom. I loved morning filled with sunlight, bottles, bath, bums & boy's noises. I even miss our regular mostly weekly visits to the hospital- a place that I've cursed so much-I'd put the purgatory out of business. The good & the bad, the regular pace of life. I miss all of that, deeply.
Every year we set ourselves big goals, intentions, plans & wild dreams. All that is grand and swell and pulls us higher- probably makes us better. But what we forget is that it's the in-between that matters most, the downtimes, the boring habitual everyday things. Those were in fact the magical, brilliant times. THIS is what we need to pay attention to.
You never know what 'life as we know it' might end. Your ordinary boring, habitual life. You know, the one you constantly want to change, improve, tweek. Mine ended on a Saturday night, sitting on the sofa, drinking a Keith's- waiting for dinner to be ready, bouncing my sweet sick boy on his favourite chair. In a flash of seizure it was all gone. In front of my eyes. No warning. Just like that.
Tommy has thought me to cherish the now. To do what I love. To live bold, big. Tommy knew that even the time IN-BETWEEN seconds matters. It all matters. I am grateful for you baby boy!
And 2015. I've gotcha!