“Can I even go pee alone, ever again? Can I eat anything else but fishies and Kraft Dinner and broccoli (the ONLY veggie my child ever eats)? And most importantly, can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?”
Most of my mothering career has been about dropping the idea of what the perfect mother looks like in my head and in my life. Imagine being in a changing room and trying on motherhood outfits, one after the other. Nope, that one doesn’t fit. No, this one ain’t right. Akk! This isn’t it.
So perhaps, after 8 years of trying to perfect the motherhood outfit, the only thing I’ve gotten better at is throwing those stupid-looking clothes and ideals on the ground. Perhaps, I can finally let go of how “good” motherhood should look on me.
In my conversation, with Jessie Harold for her MotherShift podcast, I speak of transforming into my mother shape and how I’ve had to confront some tough little beasts. I was inclined to share my story because the transition into motherhood is an arduous process and nobody talks about it. If you do talk about it, it makes you a bad mother!
Perhaps, I can finally let go of how “good” motherhood should look on me.
I went from having a textbook perfect pregnancy and labor, to having an emergency C-section. This all in the span of 10 months. I remember going from being the most comfortable in my skin, to being cut up and angry. This is just a glimpse of what tested my physical limits. Emotionally, monsters one was in the form of deep loneliness. Monster 2 was mourning my old life (and feeling guilty for it). Monster 3 made me break apart internally, it was when I realize nursing was WAY harder than pregnancy. Oh shit. This little creature needs me all. the. TIME.
And time? A weird concept where now, I am a complete devout to my child. Can I even go pee alone, ever again? Can I eat anything else but fishies and Kraft Dinner and broccoli (the ONLY veggie my child ever eats)? And most importantly, can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?
Can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?
But see, with Jessie, we also discuss how motherhood shifts (yes! like the name of her beautiful offering), re-align and recalibrated everything for me. Instead of stunting my creativity, motherhood heightened it. Self-expression is key. Creativity after all is born in the dark. Motherhood has thought me what love is beyond time and beyond space. Don’t even get me going on how lucky I was to have tools such has yoga and art to support this tumultuous change and amplify the complex and impressive magic of motherhood. And that last part is exactly why I created SHE QUEST MEMBERSHIP.
I have been so passionate about helping mothers reclaim their power pre/ post natally because of the lack of support I’ve felt in my own unfolding journey into motherhood. We need more moms ( and fuck it… more women in general!) to trust that their motherhood outfits look fucking rad. Yes, what you put on works for you and not for me and that’s OKAY and that’s VALID. That your experience of motherhood whether it be super dark or super rosy is real. Let them know there is no size and shape that fits all. Let them know here is only YOUR mother shape.
Keep throwing those supposedly “good” outfits on the floors, step on them!
Make your own make-shift outfit, get-up and GO!
Reminding all you mothers that YES.
YES, you are MAGIC .
Don’t ever let anyone ( or yourself) tell you otherwise.
Love you in confronting some tough little beasts, always.