I still love you and you still love me. 

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When I first started writing my grief posts- I  didn’t know why I was writing them, never mind posting them. Looking back now, I know I was looking for healing & connection. I still am, but it’s definitely shifted. Evolved. 
When I first lost Tommy, the words would regurgitate out me like a necessity. My skin felt transparent, my spoken words breathless and my life at a cross-road. I was on this beach boardwalk, but crawling. It was so heavy, you know? 


One thing  I wish I had made clearer is how much my immediate support system has been vital in recalibrating after loss. Having a another healthy little boy to feed and tend too, helped. Having close friends making me laugh, helped. To have a partner who’s unblinking eyes said : “Your pain is worthy and welcomed here. I don’t understand what you need to do to process it. But I’ll wait. I’ll listen. I’ll see that you always have space.” In our recovery from any transition, exactly that- space and air seems vital- and why art & yoga can definitely help in that department. 


Lately he’s told me : It’s okay mummy. I still see you and you still see me. I still love you and you still love me. 


On the boardwalk now, the air is cold and fresh. I am slowly letting my healing journey  expand, emerge, evolve ( so many good words starting with E 😉). NOW is a better time as ever for healing and connection. 
How as loosing someone evolved over time for you? What has helped in YOUR recovery? 
Loving you in love & loss, always. 
E. xo 


This post is inspired and dedicated to @ameliakyoga . Amelia, you are a major inspiration of strength & transparency in my sharing of Tommy and consequently my healing. As the great Maya Angelou writes

“ Alone, all alone. Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone.”