October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

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💛I had two little boys. One was born at 40 weeks, 2 days and the other one at 26 weeks, 5 days of gestation. My first pregnancy was textbook perfect. My second ended in an emergency crash C-section with a baby like a squirrel +a 3 months NICU stay +a body cut-up, bruised. In an instant, my future chattered, the way my life “should” have been robbed. I didn’t know babies could even die, in movie’s they did- but not in real life and certainly not MY life.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. As a Prenatal/Post-natal yoga teacher and grief activist, I’ve made it my life’s work to talk about the stuff nobody talks about. Where there is LIFE there is DEATH and both are terrifying and natural, dangerous and fleeting. Can we stop denying these stories to be told, or WORSE YET say nothing. We need to find more opportunities, outside of the therapy rooms (because therapy is NOT enough!!!) to tell our stories, move with sorrows, and breath together.

Prenatal/Post-Natal Yoga Teachers- make sacred circles with your students at the beginning of each class. If yoga is connecting, integrating, welcoming-in life - this doesn’t exclude each other’s (!!). The whole point of doing yoga is being okay with what’s uncomfortable. Motherhood -whether you are bereaved or not- is difficult, period. If saying ‘hi’ to your fellow yogi’s before breathing together in the same room is uncomfortable or difficult or weird or awkward for you then it’s an indication to do more of it!! Instead of using yoga to check-out of real life, use it to check-in. Check-in not only in “light & love” but in “dark & fears” too.

If our yoga community doesn’t step up to the needs of human today. Who will? That’s not only being trauma-informed. That’s being human-informed.

Love you in bellies, babies and voicing what you believe in always.

E. ⭐️
#tommytinkerforever #mothersaremagic#pregancyinfantlossawareness

Loud, Messy, Sticky, CHAOS

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The real yoga starts when it’s loud, its messy, its sticky, it’s chaos.


Real yoga is every minute unpredicted, not scheduled, stops and starts, uncomfortable, awkward, grumpy, fussy, smells like poop.


Real yoga starts when you show up ANYWAY and despite of all the barriers that could have STOPPED you for not showing up to that split second of aliveness, bliss, expansion, anchoring you’re craving and needing so badly.


You show up when your late, you show up when you feel down in the dumps negative, you show up, you show up, you show up.


Real yoga is not hiding, not faking, not censoring!!! It’s being in a seas of wails & cries and not reacting. Actively waiting with my best allie: BREATH. What a super power yogi parents have!


Job love on a WEDNESDAY, always.
And a lil’ preachin’ too!!! 😉


Love you in babies, bellies & magic- ALWAYS
E ⭐️

Transforming into the mother shape: confronting some tough little beasts

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“Can I even go pee alone, ever again? Can I eat anything else but fishies and Kraft Dinner and broccoli (the ONLY veggie my child ever eats)? And most importantly, can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?”

Most of my mothering career has been about dropping the idea of what the perfect mother looks like in my head and in my life. Imagine being in a changing room and trying on motherhood outfits, one after the other. Nope, that one doesn’t fit. No, this one ain’t right. Akk! This isn’t it.

So perhaps, after 8 years of trying to perfect the motherhood outfit, the only thing I’ve gotten better at is throwing those stupid-looking clothes and ideals on the ground. Perhaps, I can finally let go of how “good” motherhood should look on me.

In my conversation, with Jessie Harold for her MotherShift podcast, I speak of transforming into my mother shape and how I’ve had to confront some tough little beasts. I was inclined to share my story because the transition into motherhood is an arduous process and nobody talks about it. If you do talk about it, it makes you a bad mother!

 Perhaps, I can finally let go of how “good” motherhood should look on me.

I went from having a textbook perfect pregnancy and labor, to having an emergency C-section. This all in the span of 10 months. I remember going from being the most comfortable in my skin, to being cut up and angry. This is just a glimpse of what tested my physical limits. Emotionally, monsters one was in the form of deep loneliness. Monster 2 was mourning my old life (and feeling guilty for it). Monster 3 made me break apart internally, it was when I realize nursing was WAY harder than pregnancy. Oh shit. This little creature needs me all. the. TIME.

And time? A weird concept where now, I am a complete devout to my child. Can I even go pee alone, ever again? Can I eat anything else but fishies and Kraft Dinner and broccoli (the ONLY veggie my child ever eats)? And most importantly, can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?

CLICK ON THIS IMAGE TO LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION!

CLICK ON THIS IMAGE TO LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION!

Can I remember the old me? Knock, knock. Are you there?

But see, with Jessie, we also discuss how motherhood shifts (yes! like the name of her beautiful offering), re-align and recalibrated everything for me.  Instead of stunting my creativity, motherhood heightened it.  Self-expression is key. Creativity after all is born in the dark. Motherhood has thought me what love is beyond time and beyond space. Don’t even get me going on how lucky I was to have tools such has yoga and art to support this tumultuous change and amplify the complex and impressive magic of motherhood. And that last part is exactly why I created SHE QUEST MEMBERSHIP.

I have been so passionate about helping mothers reclaim their power pre/ post natally because of the lack of support I’ve felt in my own unfolding journey into motherhood. We need more moms ( and fuck it… more women in general!) to trust that their motherhood outfits look fucking rad. Yes, what you put on works for you and not for me and that’s OKAY and that’s VALID. That your experience of motherhood whether it be super dark or super rosy is real.  Let them know there is no size and shape that fits all. Let them know here is only YOUR mother shape.  

Keep throwing those supposedly “good” outfits on the floors, step on them!

Make your own make-shift outfit,  get-up and GO!

Reminding all you mothers that YES.

YES, you are MAGIC .

Don’t ever let anyone ( or yourself) tell you otherwise.

Love you in confronting some tough little beasts, always.

E. xo

 

p.s: Magic is something worth wanting.

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The wild magic of horses and my son’s confidence riding this graceful creature.

Was I ever that confident with anything?

Horses represent freedom and power - to see them up-close... what a treat!


As a mom- I grow more and more aware that to live a magic life is to be challenged and tested. Daily.
But through my son’s eyes & heart, I stay close to wonder & awe.

All is alive with possibilities if you choose to see it that way.

All is a gift.
Above all, is to believe.
To believe that magic is something worth wanting.
Freedom and power, too.
Love you in warm summer nights and unlocking the key to your superpowers, always.
E ⭐️

3 easy breathwork techniques to do with your children (even if you don’t do yoga!)

Watch this short 4 minute easy breathing exercise to do with your child (children) even if you don’t consider yoga to be your jam!

  1. Hands-to-ribs cage exercise, watching the inhales go in , and exhales go out.

  2. Lobster-claw breath! Fun and easy for the hot summer days in the car looking for a parking or on road trips!

  3. Release Breath is genius for any tantrums.

Was this video useful? Let me know how it worked with your family!

Love you in peaceful summer breaks, and good times with your family, always!

E. xo

Traveling: patience, empathy & discovering what really matters.

Byron Bay Sunset, July 2018

Byron Bay Sunset, July 2018

Bucket list trip last year going to the land down-under with the fam. It was incredible! What a privilege to experience Australia’s magic.

We started out on Stradbroke Island. We decided on the camper life, and while we wish we had brought softer bags ( twas a bit cramp in there) we truly enjoyed every minute of it!

Straddie Island was filled with stunning oceans view, great (kid friendly!) hiking trail, wild kangaroos ( tons!), life-changing beach yoga, and whales, dolphins sighting and jumping (!!) everyday.

My husband loved Australia for it’s surf. Things we do while daddy surfs: Beach Yoga!! Collect shells ! Hug !!
And make memories - wherever we are !

But part of me thinks we often romanticize travelling ( just  like we glamorize motherhood but that’s for another post!)!  Traveling is an exercise in patience, empathy, and discovering what really matters. I wish we treated travelling as formative as schooling - I do want to highlight you do not need to go to Australia to learn all of the above (!!!!) - basically a local camping trip with the fam could potentially ( and most likely) have similar effect!

1) Patience

I often think ones true self is revealed in airports, buses and trains. How do you deal with what’s out of your control in a peaceful manner? Their is always a choice. This is something I especially love teaching Isaiah. Like, “you know bud”, I tell him. “It sucks that we are stuck in a very hot plane right now on the tarmak for more than two hours, but things could be worse! What could we possibly do to entertain ourself?” More so, for anyone who has dealt with their family with jet lag, kudos to that. Patience is a great muscle to build while traveling and CAMPING!

2) Empathy

I love opening Isaiah eyes up to other cultures and how they do things. They’re is an open mindedness and respect for others humans and animals that comes from travelling. Confidence is another aspect of traveling, for him and me that’s heightened! Everywhere he has been he’s had to make new friends, interact with others even if it’s daunting sometimes to talk to new people. Approach new maps, explore new environments, and try our best to walk in others shoes.

3) What really matters
So much is out of your control when you travel. I remember being so hard on myself for being impatient or angry with my boy on that trip. The proximity of everyone sometimes made me irritable and the lack of a schedule- dizzy. But at the end of the day, what really seemed to matter was that we were together and healthy! We had this incredible opportunity to see a corner of the world so different than ours and live that to the fullest, knowing we might never have the opportunity to go back!

We ended our days in Byron Bay, scouting the local scenery and wide beaches!

Side note ****** that as a visual artist, I am enormously influenced by nature and my surroundings. Australia really gave me something to chew (paint) on!

The last sketch is now part of my Magic Journal Collection.

Travelling really does awaken everything for me! And taking pictures of our travels. It brings me back to that exact moment, one years ago, where all was well. It was fleeting, this moment. The time of the timer’s click. A beat. A clap. But it was real. Us, all hugged in. It was pure. It was soft. It was love.

Last night in our Aussie dream

Last night in our Aussie dream

 Love you in adventures & wanderlust, always.

E. xo

 

 




Lucky & Lonely

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As a mother (and/or human), I can feel :
Lucky and lonely
Mighty and helpless
Gentle and fierce
Stuck and free.
Best yet, I can allow all that to coexist.
And when I do, I feel at peace.
I let go.
I fly free.
I come home to myself.
Yeah- lying on this bed with you my love,
I see how much we’ve grown.
Yours in #fbf , long summer days (on their way!!!) and cozy morning bed cuddles, always.
E ⭐️ #tommytinkerforever

A mother’s strength & magic.

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✨Lately, Isaiah has been asking for some alone time. “Please don’t disturb me mommy, right now, I’d like to have quiet time in my room”. I secretly chuckle because it’s seems like funny words coming out of 7 years old and also- how many times has he heard this from me? Bahaaaha. I taught him that, you know?!

I retrieved this picture the other day of a younger Isaiah. A season in my life where ‘quiet time’ didn’t seem to exist. I remember feeling robbed of so much back when the boys where really little. My body didn’t feel mine, my mind and dreams highjacked by bottle feedings, sticky fingers and dry milk. I remember feeling so weak all over, you know?

There is a quote by Alan Watts I love that says: “in giving away control, you’ve got it”. On days where I felt unworthy in my motherhood journey- art and yoga has always offered solace and a place of belonging. And look! What the hell? In the midst of a grey day walk- this supposedly ‘weak’ mother was sneaking in a postures I don’t even know I can do today ! I don’t see weak. What I see is a mother’s strength and magic. I see someone trying to squeeze in “alone” time where and when she can. While the same time, teaching her toddler how to do the same.


Most importantly, art& yoga has the possibility to transform how you live your life- it has for me over and over again. Whether that be doing funny shapes on top of rocks, painting in hospital rooms or waking up earlier than everyone to chase sunrises. You’ve got the power to sneak it in at the most unexpected of places. I dare you. Will you let it? Because as Alan Watts so poignantly puts it … “you’ve got it.”


Yours in letting life work through you and not the other way around.


YOU’VE GOT THIS!!
E ⭐️

Rumi is always right.

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💛👣This is love: To fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” • RUMI

Rumi is always right. (First to let go of life.) In the kitchen on the night after Tommy’s memorial. Looking right, his high chair and looking left a clean empty milk bottle. I kneeled down to get his formula. I grab it. I stop. I have done this ten of thousands of times before. Chin to my chest, bouncing my knees, closing my eyes- oh yeah, I don’t need to do that anymore.

(Hundred more veils falling.)

In our backyard, I look at Isaiah biking. Look how tall!and big ! and smart! and daredevil you are!!!! Didn’t I just cradle you both in my arms? (Hundred more veils falling.) Motherhood opened me up to my complexity and identity. My priorities instantly shifted. A crash course in alertness, tenderness, multitasking and forgetting me. But in the forgetting is this remembering and then somehow I give myself room for growth and the dignity to discover what I think and what I want. I give more. I care more.

I cannot know or be or do everything: I can only listen, notice and feel my way into my child. I’ve improvised with them and created a nest from day 1 and it’s been;

Quiet and loud.
Difficult and delightful. (this is love)
Rumi is always right.

(to fly towards a secret sky)
And so i fly!
And take one more step without feet.

Yours in unfolding into the wondrous path ahead,
Always.
E ⭐️ #tommytinkerforever

Frogs & hope.

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🐸 Spring in Cow Bay means counting for tadpoles at the flag pond and make sure we are in good shape for frog catching season! This is 2014. I want to say I remember everything about this night, but I don’t. It was an entirely boring and uneventful night. The boys were really into fish sticks and corn at the time, and I think Tommy had just started to eat solids. As per his expression, he was in a fine mood and talking up a storm. They both loved that wagon so much. After Tommy passed, Isaiah told me he’d rather not see it anymore and it took a very, very long time for it to be taken down the garage’s highest shelf.


It’s a strange thing: time. Because if I look at this picture now, I see nothing but ordinary! I see the smirk of a 26 week born boy will to live and be well. I see a 2 year old wonder & awe. I see the most engaged and present father. I see a mother’s tired toes and new Birkenstock (when you first buy them, they are not that comfortable, remember that?) . I see a young family’s little thing called: hope.


When you think your life is boring.... think again.look again.
It’s the one inside you that believes in magic that will teach you:
Everything.
Yours in ordinary #boringnotsoboring spring night, always.
E.xo
#tommytinkerforever

Marvelous mothering

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I wear many hats.
Mother is one of them.
Only one.
The hardest and easiest contract I’ve ever embarked on.
Teaching me patience.
Love beyond time and space.
How to cook (seriously)
When my mother hat got blown off by the biggest gust of wind -aka when I lost Tommy-I realized how much worth I had attached to my mother hat. How I got blind in it.
A wonderful take away of my loosing my hat to the wind was to realize the only one that could define that role was - me.
Isaiah and Tommy’s teachings are ever-evolving. They transformed me- a new dimension of the world revealed. But because I lost it once and got lost in it- I now own it to myself (and other mothers) to look at it. Investigate it. Engage with its complex materials. How did I want to feel in my mother hat? Because even through the hardest time, I have a choice.
As a mother, I can feel :
Lucky and lonely
Mighty and helpless
Gentle and fierce
Stuck and free.
Best yet, I can allow all that to coexist.
And when I do, I feel at peace.
I let go.
I fly free.
I come home to myself.
Yeah- lying on the grass with you my love,
I see how much we’ve grown.
I love letting go with you.
Yours in marvelous mothering, always.
E ⭐️ #mothersaremagic#tommytinkerforever

Finally Me

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I can feel my son in me forever, a vital part of me that never goes away.
Like dancers on a vast stage, no matter far he is away, the bond, the interplay is always there, the invisible thread of love, the chemical choreography of blood in the vein.
He is both my pupil and my teacher. For it is he who inducted me into the mysteries of mothering. I was surprised by my selfless, spontaneous loving and service, devotion and trust- a part of me that I’d never known otherwise. He is my truest mirror, my honest reflection, my most profound joy, the subject of my deepest fears. My child connects me the most primal parts of myself. I well up with his tears, I cringed with his pain, brighten with a smile, suffer with his disappointment… in grace.
In innocence.
In gratitude.
With you, I am finally me. ~Gabrielle Roth
Thanks to @elenabrower for sharing this passage many years ago. Words Ive always keep close for both Isaiah pictured here and my Tommy in the sky.
Love you in Mother’s Day & spontaneity, always.
E ⭐️ #tommytinkerforever#motherhoodrising #mothersaremagic#motherhoodthroughig #mothersday#motherhood #cowbaylove
Mothers are Magic tee is from @bee_and_mae !! Kickass sneakers from @proskates on Quinpool 👌🏻

Babies & Bellies Spring 2019: Mothers are Magic!!


✨Sharing this video because
1) these women are my hero’s. Unbeknownst to them, they have healed my own bereaved mothers heart every Wednesday, for many years over.


2)It would be a disservice to the world to not share the light and -at times invisible and undervalued- work of mothers !!


3)Yoga and why you practice is deeply personal. We ALL carry stories in our hearts. Sharing them heals bulks of us that are disconnected and disembodied.
As Mothers day approaching- you are allowed to feel whatever you feel! It stings coping with infertility, to have lost a mother, to be estranged from your mother, to have miscarried or lost a (or ++) child. And coast Mother’s Day like it’s nothing? It’s not nothing.


Whether you are a mother or not, my wish in that you find hope in these women as much as I have. A peaceful revolution of women gathering, changing the world one breath at a time. “On this path, no effort is wasted, no gain ever reversed, for even a little bit of this practice will shelter you from sorrow” ~ The Bhagavad Gita

Loving you-
E ⭐️

Wild & tameless motherhood can be

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#TBT to that time I took my two little boys on an 11 hours flight to Hawaii by myself (and thats not counting the first leg either!) 🙃 I didn’t think I was crazy but a lot of people loved telling me so. Sure- going to the bathroom, hydrating, eating and napping- was not an option. People (aka other moms) would often offer me to take one baby so I could shove something in my mouth or pee with one of them on my lap.


On that trip, i went to my first ever Wanderlust Festival which was catalyst in merging creativity & yoga which BTW this is now the cornerstone of all my class/workshops/retreats I offer today. My dad & brother got a heartwarming visit with the little dudes which cut me some slack in return . I have one of my most cherished memory of Tommy on that trip. It’s of us hugging (for a long time!) on a windy and warm sand beach. A lioness with (still) two little cubs. Holding this memory always reminds me of how wild & tameless motherhood can be.


It never occurred to me that it was impossible to travel with babies. Do other animals not travel because of their cubs? We all have different priorities, of course, but for me the pains it takes to get there is always worth the richness and fullness that can be found in travelling the world. It’s always worth it.


To the grand-mother who insisted on taking a picture of us three that morning at 5:30 am - thank you! It’s the only evidence of my lioness crazy during that time.


Yours in keeping and remembering your crazies, always.
E ⭐️ #tommytinkerforever

March 5th : Save the date!

from 30.00

Join doula Wendy Harding and I in an informative (AND fun!) afternoon talking yoga & birth. In the first part we take you through the physiology of birth (with props!) . What is the purpose of your pain !? Is it possible to fall in love with your uterus? In the second part of the class we take you through the stages of labor and demonstrating yoga postures, breathing technique and mindfulness technique to optimize your labor experience. 

When : Sunday MARCH 5th, 2017

Where: Dartmouth Yoga Centre

Cost: 30$ Single and 40$ for couple
Easily register here:http://bit.ly/2lwodB8

* we strongly recommend you come with whoever will be there at the birth

Yours in parenthood, E.xo